ESBU lists the various types of Facebook users – which one are you?

Posted on Thursday, January 17th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Filed under: Entertainment, Facebook Sucks, General Talk, Why Everybody Sucks
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Let’s face it. Facebook sucks. It’s just a meaningless website that gives losers a feeling of importance because they have all these ?virtual friends”. Although big D and I are not on Facebook, we have analyzed the various types of Facebook users and have come up with a list. So, here is our list of the types of Facebook users.

The “I’m popular because I attend a lot of events” Facebook user

This user goes to every event with a camera in hand and takes hundreds of pictures. 15 minutes after attending any event, this user has already posted all the pictures of the event on their Facebook profile. This user typically has hundreds of albums so that they can show the world just how important and “cool” they are. They constantly update their profile picture so that you can see the various events that they have attended and the various famous people that they know. The only time when there is a delay in updating their profile picture is when they have a picture with a celebrity or somebody famous. In this case, it can be weeks before they change their profile picture.

The “check out my status” Facebook user.

This Facebook user cannot let an hour pass without updating their status. Thanks to Face book, you know everything that this user does on an hourly bases. From the moment they wake up, their status is being updated. We know when they eat, when they use the bathroom, how they are feeling and countless other useless information about this user. This user believes that the world will end unless they update their Facebook status at least once every hour.

The “Typical” Facebook user

There are no typical Facebook users. It?s just something people say to make themselves feel better. Just like a drug addict or a compulsive gambler, this user has a problem, but refuses to admit it. They must log on to Facebook at least once a day or they start experiencing withdrawal symptoms These symptoms are usually manifested by hot flashes and/or cold sweats. If they do not log on to Facebook, they feel a sense of emptiness and their life is not complete. Once they?ve logged-in, all is well again until the next fix.

The “comments will get me laid” Facebook user

This Facebook user is typically a single and lonely male user. He makes it his life goal to comment on every girl’s picture by writing dumb-ass comments like: “You are beautiful”, “What a beautiful picture”, “I love your hair in that picture. It must smell nice”. This lonely loser uses Facebook to tell girls how he feels because he is too shy to tell them in person. He uses Facebook to tell each and every girl just how “beautiful” she is in hopes of getting laid. He never gets laid. Most male Facebook users hate this guy with a passion.

The “please comment on my pictures” Facebook user

This Facebook user is very similar to the “comments will get me laid” Facebook user. However, this user is more likely to be a female. They spend their time commenting on other users’ walls in hopes that these users will comment back on their page. Getting comments makes these people feel good and important. This user usually uploads pictures to Facebook and then waits for hours until somebody finally comments on one of their pictures. They typically get really mad when others do not comment back or write on their wall.

The “I change my relationship status to get attention” Facebook user.

This Facebook user is also quite annoying. Every time something happens in their personal life, they must change their relationship status. If they fight with their mate, their status is “single”. If they make up, their status changes to “committed”. If their mate cheats on them, their status becomes “it’s complicated”. All these relationship status changes can happen within the span of only several hours, sometimes minutes for this user. Somehow, this user feels that the entire universe cares about their relationship status. We don’t.

The “I’m on every Facebook network” Facebook user

This user typically does not have a lot of friends on Facebook . They join every possible network in hopes of making more friends on Facebook. The goal for these users is usually to reach at least 100 friends. Most of these types of users never reach this goal.

The “I have every possible Facebook application” Facebook user

This user is one of the most annoying Facebook users. They usually send you multiple requests to download various crappy applications so that you can play stupid games with them on Facebook. As if Facebook itself was not a complete waste of time, this user wants you to adopt a pet, become a vampire and all kinds of other stupid things to make you waste even more time with Facebook. Even after you uninstall one of their crappy applications, they send you a request to download another crappy application.

The “MySapce is so much better” Facebook user

This Facebook user typically ends all their remarks by telling you how much better MySpace is compared to Facebook. This user has invested so much time and energy on MySpace that they resent Facebook. They only joined Facebook because all their MySpace friends are now on Facebook. It took them forever to get many MySpace friends and now they are quite angry at having to start over with Facebook because nobody is using MySpace anymore.

The “I’m on Facebook because it’s the cool thing to do” user

This user creates a Facebook account, updates some profile information and never uses Facebook again. These users typically know nothing about social networking sites and only joined Facebook because it is what everybody else was doing.

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