G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Movie Review

Posted on Sunday, August 9th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Filed under: Big M's Movie Reviews
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Rating 8/10
After attending the premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, I felt the need to write a review of the second-best movie of this summer. (Sorry G.I. Joe, but nothing could top Transformers – Rise of The Fallen. Nothing!) Now, before we begin this review, it’s important to mention a couple of things:

I grew up on G.I. Joe and Transformers. Transformers would come on at 4pm and G.I. Joe would come on at 4:30pm. So, I am an expert (balckbelt) when it comes to G.I. Joe and Transformers.
I love ninjas. I think that ninjas are the coolest thing that Japan has ever exported.

Now, with these 2 things said, I can begin the review of G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra. I went in thinking that this movie was going to suck beyond belief. Thank god I was wrong. This movie is going to make a ton of money and there will be a sequel!!!

Action, Action and more Action
The G.I. Joe movie felt like 15 minutes of action followed by 2 minutes of talking then another 15 minutes of action and so on. It was crazy, loud and enjoyable!! It really felt like the dialogue was there to simply bring us to the next action scene. Just like in true G.I. Joe fashion, the movie takes you across the globe. The Joes go from the desert to Paris to the South Pole to underneath the ocean. It also features a lot of Ninja scenes. I have not scene this many ninjas in a movie in a very long time.

The Baroness is Hot hot hot
I don’t know anything about Sienna Miller, but I do know that she is hot hot hot! She plays the Baroness. A lot of the movie focuses on the Baroness and let me tell you, she is smoking hot! She’s got the whole sexy-librarian-who-could-kick-your-ass look working for her. My buddy thinks that she looks like a younger, hotter and sexier Sarah Palin. And I agree! I predict she will be the new poster queen for hot chicks that nerds fantasize about.

Ninja are cool
Did I mention that I love Ninjas? Ninjas are cool! Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are the two ninjas of G.I. Joe. Snake Eyes is the good guy and Storm Shadow is the bad guy. In the movie, G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra, Snake Eyes is played by Ryan Park. Yes, Darth Maul (from Star Wars) plays Snake Eyes. And all I can say is: AWESOME!! The movie ends with a crazy Ninja fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Now, I don’t want to give away the plot, but Snake Eyes kicks ass! My only complaint is that they should have never put a mouth on Snake Eyes’ costume. Seriously, the costume designer needs to be fired for this.

But The Critics hate it
Not surprising, the “critics” are complaining about the G.I. Joe movie. Well, they better stop crying because I am sure that there will be a sequel! This movie will make a ton of money and show us once again why movie critics are useless. Seriously, you go to a G.I. Joe movie expecting to see big guns, loud explosions and lots of dead Cobra bad guys. I got all of that out of this movie. The critics who think that the movie sucked were expecting the Joes to cry about their feelings instead of kicking Cobra’s ass.If you want to see that kind of crap, go rent Titanic. If you’ve never played with a G.I. Joe toy as a kid, you are not allowed to write a review of this movie. Period!

Final rating 8/10
This movie has everything that we all loved about the G.I. Joe cartoons and comic books. For goodness sakes, they even have the cheesy jetpacks! It’s loud, it’s fast and contains many of the cool G.I. Joe characters and gadgets. Did I mention that it also has ninjas?? If you were a fan of the G.I. Joe cartoon, then you will love this movie. If not, you will still love non-stop action and really cool shots of Sienna Miller as the Baroness. As for he movie critics, all the critics who said that the movie sucked are douchebags…